***Read First*** (if you haven’t already)

1000: So today is the day and it has just hit 10am.  No more consuming anything for me.  This is going to be difficult.  I’ve emptied my thermos mug and water bottle, the eggs that are to sustain me have been consumed, and now my calendar reminders have gone off saying ‘no more food’.  Really, what madness is this?  Not even allowed to drink water, or chew gum.  This may get difficult.  Didn’t sleep awesomely last night, I woke at 0300 and haven’t slept since, I guess I was stewing about today.  Otherwise, business as usual, at work with nothing to do except think about how much I want to eat or drink something.  Silly no one having any work for me.

1230: Yep, this is painful.  I mark the time of my work days with food and green tea.  I don’t think my stomach is actually needing food yet, but it is telling me it is hungry.  On the plus side, change of scenery coming up, I’m about to head home and tidy / prepare then walk down to the hospital.  My last bit of energy expenditure for the foreseeable future.  I wonder whether I can convince the US guys to give me removalists that pack so that I don’t have to do any lifting – doctors orders after all.  Though doctors orders run out in four weeks…at the rate they’re going I won’t be leaving in four weeks, though Pat has requested HR receive pineapples…

1655: So I got to the hospital at 1450. Perfect time if you ask me, a shadow early and certainly not late. At reception I signed some more paperwork then waited. One of the pieces of paper said that all the hospital bills are free…well there you go, private health is useful. Not sure the ongoing premium quite outweighs the costs though, I guess I keep it to reduce my tax. The other two times I’ve been in hospital I recall being quite costly. Anyways, I think the shift change must be 1500 because all sorts of people were saying hello and goodbye. A lady came just after three and took me to the day surgery unit where I waited a little longer. Then a nurse fetched me and took my measurements and explained the go. I’ll wake up with oxygen on, needle in arm, pad in place…don’t freak out. Then took me to a bed.
Since then I’ve sat in bed in my highly flattering gown reading my book and checking the time. Now it is time and no needle in the arm, no doctor here, no walk to surgery…I guess things are running behind time. A nurse just came in, I got all excited for nothing… Just checking to see if I need anything. I told him aside from food, nope. Damn I’m hungry…I could never do one of those fasting diets!
Back to the book.

1810: still waiting. Just heard the nurse say Doctor Wu has three people to go still…bloody hell. This will be much later than expected. Every time a nurse walks by I get excited they’re coming for me…they’re not…my bed is right by the nurse station. I’ve even finished my book. Well, finished one of the twenty one books I bought for a dollar…45 hours to go according to the kindle.

2040: It’s all done! At 1815 the orderly came through to collect me. There were two Coopers on the books so there was some debate about which, but it was me. So they wheeled me to a swap over room. Doctor Butler, the anaesthetist, came in and asked questions about the general anaesthetic. then straight into the theatre.
I swapped beds and they popped the iv in. Doctor Wu had a little chat about Denver and waited a little while they hooked up the chest things for the heart monitoring. Then Doc Butler said it was time, shot me up and out like a light.
I came to about 1850. No worries, no problems. Easy as pie. They took some observations and checked the pad. They said I had a local anaesthetic as well so I guess the pain will kick in when that dissipates. Hopefully the pain is gone by the time I wake up.
They took me back to the day surgery ward and gave me water. Then juice and crackers. Then juice and a sandwich with regular check ups.
Doctor Butler popped in and saw I was all good, he was on his way out, all in his civvies and with his bag etc. Then a while later Doctor Wu came in and gave me a script for antibiotics in case I need it, told me when to call them if there are issues, then toddled off. Oh and the results from testing the samples should be back in a week. He expects high grade so another colposcopy in six months… I’ll have to do that in Denver.
Finally I was allowed to get up and get dressed and the amazing Onj took me home. I’m so sorry I dragged her out of her death bed, she’s got a bad flu. She’s an absolute gem for coming to get me.
Now I’m all snuggled in bed past ready for sleep.
I have to point out that wearing pads is shit. Really shit. Zzzzz

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