Common Colposcopy

So here I am at the gynecologist. He was running about forty minutes late, I have my book so I was happy reading. It only takes twenty minutes. Second time around it wasn’t too bad, the worst part is the not knowing what he’s doing…or maybe the pressure from the opening thing (speculum?).  Yeah, its the pressure, makes you feel like you need to pee.  Truly, it isn’t that scary.

This clinic has one room set up for the colposcopy.  I guess they only have the one fancy lens thing.  Its just a bed in the corner (with the silly leg holding things) behind some curtains.  A nurse comes in and stands someplace near your shoulders, last time the nurse chattered and kept me very distracted (turned out she is the wife of the Construction Manager on site at the time (: ), this girl was quiet.  Anyways, you drop strides and sit on the end of the bed, then when the doc comes back you lie back and get ‘comfortable’ with your legs up.  Then he goes to work and occasionally the nurse will help out or she’ll just stand there.  Basically I think he applies iodine, has a look through the fancy lens thing, takes a biopsy, cleans up and then he’s done.  He did mention at one stage that it certainly looked like high grade lesions (CIN3).

The important thing for the colposcopy is that if you don’t like the huge generic panty liners they give you, then take your own.  You do get some bleeding and that iodine has to go somewhere.

Once all that is done I headed back to his office.  Okay, I cleaned up then returned my trousers to where they are supposed to be etc, but you get the gist.  Just as I walked in his phone rang, he took it and said he’d be there shortly (I thought slightly odd, but didn’t think too much of it).  He then told me that it looks very very like it is CIN3, pap results confirmed, and when the results of the biopsy come back then we can book in the treatment.  I asked how long the results take and explained my need for speed and he suggested that he was sufficiently confident that it needed treatment that we could book in now.  I liked that option.  He then said that he had to run off and deliver a baby and he’d be back in 20 minutes to go through it all with me.

So I sat in his office and read my book and waited.  It really was only about 20 minutes that he was away, maybe two or three minutes more.  Seems super fast to me, you don’t get much time for your dollar there.

When he returned he explained the LLETZ procedure (electrified loop, scoop out the affected area/s, goes to testing also) and booked me in for 5th August.  I have to be there two hours before and two hours after the procedure because they put me under with general anaesthetic.  The piece of paper he gave me says the procedure takes 15-20 minutes, but he said it takes 10.  Gist is that it doesn’t take long.

The things I’m expecting to be terrible:

  • Not eating from 1000 on the day, when I check in at 1500, those five hours will be painful;
  • Wearing a panty liner for days while it heals; and worst of all
  • No heavy lifting or running for 3-4 weeks after.

Are they mad?  No lifting?  No running?  Nothing ‘strenuous’ for three – six weeks?  Ugh, I think I’ll go absolutely insane!  I guess that leaves me with regular walking, I haven’t a clue how I’ll manage to stick to walking.  NO GYM, NO RUNNING.  Just when I’m getting back into the running after being in the Pilbara.  I guess I’ll have to find a place to get running through Denver super fast – whenever they give me my contract…

So, colposcopy affectionately named ‘pap smear on steroids’, done and done.  One more week and I’ll be all treated and this episode will be over.

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